IMG_7851Afternoon tea. It’s a good thing. It should never be rushed. It should always be taken with a very good friend, a friend with whom you can ooh and aah with over every single delight presented to you on a 3 tier cake stand. It must must must be on a cake stand, without a cake stand it simply can’t be called afternoon tea. It must also, in our book, be served with a chilled glass of champers and a huge pot of tea.

Well, luck should have it, that’s exactly what happened at Cafe Portrait last week for Mrs M and her partner in crime, Barb. Barb considers herself an expert on the subject of afternoon tea so her opinions are crucial to this review. From now on she’ll be known as ‘B’, in a similar way to ‘M’ (her of James Bond fame-dom). We should mention however that ‘B’ has lived to tell this tail unlike ‘M’ and her unfortunate mishap at the end of Skyfall….

You do need a strategy for afternoon tea. Loose trousers should form part of this, failing which you’ll almost always fall at the first hurdle. Then there’s the plan of attack…Mrs M usually opts for a top down strategy.  B however always insists on a bottoms up approach particularly when there’s the inclusion of an espresso sized soup cup. Cold soup ain’t good in December so bottoms up it was.

Right, let’s have it. Snuggled in the Snug we were presented with our afternoon tea…which consisted of this little lot…

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Demolition, and then some. Mrs M won hands down, B had to ask for a doggy bag. It’s odd isn’t it because when you see an afternoon tea you think it’s fairly small and you’re more than likely to finish it off no problem. Funny then that by the time you’re up to tier two you’re in trouble, and wondering how the heck you’re going to make it to the penthouse and finish off all those lovely cakes.

Love a sandwich without a crust don’t you? You’d never dream of taking the crusts off at home but when it comes to afternoon tea you can’t get enough of it. The savoury scone with goats cheese and red onion jam was great. We thought they would be as their regular man-size scones sold in the cafe are a particular highlight. The cakes, the cakes, ooh the cakes, all of them were lovely. Nice festive touches too with the mince pie and the chocolate teacake.

The Cafe Portrait afternoon tea is wonderfully dainty and has the right mixture of sweet and savoury. Topped off with a glass of fizz, a pot of tea and ‘B’ chat chat chatting away for 2 hours then it’s enough to send anyone straight to bed very happy indeed. And that’s exactly what happened. For Mrs M anyway….

Cafe Portrait Afternoon Tea_SnapseedAll photos Mymonkfish with the exception of the final shot, thanks to Heritage Portfolio.

Cafe Portrait afternoon teas are served daily from 2.30 – 4.30pm. You can make a reservation online via the website. Thanks to Heritage Portfolio for letting Mrs M and B demolish your lovely tea and for allowing us to wear our joggies 🙂 Elasticated waistbands, you can’t beat em.


  1. Pingback: AFTERNOON TEA, IT’S A GOOD THING. | Edinblogs

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